


I Know Why You're Lonely

by Chicktar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Benny Lafitte, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Anal Sex, Arranged Marriage, Beta Dean, Depression, Dystopian Future, Eventual Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Eventual Castiel/Dean Winchester, Knotting, M/M, Omega Castiel, Prostitute Dean Winchester, Worldwide infertility problems, eventual Castiel/Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, possible Wincest, uncomfortable sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-18 10:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11872089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicktar/pseuds/Chicktar
Summary: Omega Castiel and Benny Lafitte have been pressed into an arranged marriage--their fertility giving their respective clans hope that they might be able to procreate and ensure their survival.  They both struggle with the marriage, finding no real satisfaction in the marriage, but remaining forced to stay together and become more and more unhappy.  One day Gabriel sends a sexpet to stay with them in hopes he will help them find some way to make the part of their marriage that was the entire point of the union (sex) at least work.It’s a slow start, but yeah, there will be a lot of smut in this one.  So consider yourself warned.  Though I wouldn't say it is entirely without plot.  But the plot is really just to serve the almighty smut.Tags will be added and updated as I add chapters.





	1. And So It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is rather short, just a teaser for what is to come, I guess, but it still seemed like the best place to break. So hopefully it is enough to entice. And it won't be long before there is more. I promise. :)

“You look handsome.”

It was his mother’s voice.  He heard the rustling of her clothes as she came in the room and then she was behind him in the mirror.  Her hands reached around and straightened his bow tie and then she smiled a tight, approving sort of smile at him in the mirror.

“You’re a gorgeous groom and you’re going to make your husband very happy.”

He frowned.  “Mother, let’s not pretend anyone involved expects either me or my husband to be made happy by this marriage.  We’re just guinea pigs to rut and hopefully bear the colony fresh fruit.”

Naomi sighed.  “Let’s not have this argument today.  You and Benny have both accepted this and we all trust you to make the best of it for the good of all.  You could also give a little more and try to actually find some happiness in it, but if you don’t that will be  _ your _ loss.  As long as you do your duty.”

Castiel looked down at his hands and fidgeted with the pre-bonding band on his wrist.  “Of course, mother.”  He didn’t look back up.  He couldn’t wait for her to leave.  The best thing about this marriage was that it would get him out of his parents’ house.  At least he had that to look forward to.  After another minute Naomi sighed again, brushed her hands over his shoulders lightly and then turned and strode out.

*          *          *

Forty minutes later it was done and they were leading the ceremonial parade down the colony’s promenade to the special villa that was set aside for newly bonded fertile couples’ first week together.  Castiel wished they didn’t have to spend the week here.  He would have rather just settled straight into their house and begun the long, slow work of trying to make it a home that actually belonged, at least partially, to him.  He had no idea how Benny felt about it.  Or anything else, for that matter.  The man’s face gave nothing away.  He looked over to the alpha, walking next to him, but Benny’s face just appeared grimly determined, as it had every one of the approximately 49 minutes total Castiel had now spent in his company.

When they finally reached the porch, Benny gave the appropriate words of appreciation to the gathered crowd for their warm welcome of him to the colony.  Thankfully, he kept it short and simple and then ushered Castiel into the villa, closing the door behind them and muffling the sounds of the crowd’s continuing revelries.  The colony would party long into the night, celebrating the hope of children and the colony’s future that this marriage represented.  But Castiel was exhausted and longed to go straight to bed except…

He looked at Benny, wondering if the alpha expected them to beginning fucking immediately.  Benny had removed his suit jacket and tossed it on an armchair and was in the process of stepping out of his shoes while simultaneously tugging on his tie.  His eyes met Castiel’s, but he showed no reaction whatsoever.  Castiel felt that he could have been an android or even a piece of furniture for all the interest Benny showed in him.  Castiel slowly started to pull off his own suit jacket and when he turned back from laying it carefully over the back of a chair he found Benny watching him.

“I’ll see what they have for us to eat here,” Benny said.  Then turned and strode back toward the kitchen.

Castiel followed mindlessly, his stomach responding positively to the idea of food at least.  He’d been too anxious about the ceremony and…well, really the rest of his fucking life…to eat at all that day.  When he reached the kitchen, Benny was opening cabinets and closing them, then opened the fridge and stood before it for a couple minutes.

Without turning to Cas, he said, “How about lasagna?  It’s prepped and ready for us to put in the oven.”

Cas nodded, then realized Benny wasn’t looking at him and managed to get out a soft, “Sure, that sounds fine.”

Benny reached in and pulled out the loaded casserole dish and strode over to the oven.  After he set the oven he returned to the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of honey wine, reaching to a cabinet for two glasses.  He poured them each such full pours that Castiel expected they would both be quite tipsy by the time they finished them, then handed one to Castiel.  After returning the pitcher to the fridge, Benny strode past Castiel with his own glass and sat down at the kitchen table.  He looked at Castiel and waited.

Castiel walked over and took a seat next to Benny then watched as Benny tipped his glass up and took a long gulp of his wine.  The alpha’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and Castiel had to admit he was an attractive looking man.  He was strong, broad shouldered with nice features and soft looking hair.  But he seemed like a hard man—someone who likely preferred to spend his time in physical endeavors than thoughtful inquiry.  Castiel couldn’t imagine what the two of them would ever find in common.  Other than the key purpose that the entire arrangement was founded around.  Procreation.

“So, Castiel,” Benny said suddenly.  “Now that we’re alone and your mother isn’t selling you to me and my clan anymore, you can be honest with me.  Are you truly untouched?”

Castiel stared at Benny.  Could he really mean it?  Did he imagine that Naomi would lie about such a thing?  Or perhaps he imagined that Castiel had a lover and had lied to Naomi about it?

“Yes.  I am a virgin.”

Benny looked at him penetratingly, as if still doubting him.

“In every way.”

Benny raised an eyebrow, but his looked seemed to soften a bit.

“I would never lie to you and your clan about such an important matter.”

Benny nodded at that, almost…appreciatively.  “Alright.  I’m sorry if I offended you.  It’s just…not all clans are as…forthright as you appear to be.”

They were silent then for a minute, both drinking more of their wine, and Castiel noticed his glass was somehow already almost half empty.  He knew it was anxiety, making him feel thirsty and drink more to give his hands something to do.

“I’ve been with others, but never with an omega,” Benny offered, startling Castiel.  There was nothing too surprising in that—omegas were uncommon enough that they tended to be prized and protected, kept safe and untouched until they could be bonded to a fertile alpha for the benefit of their clan.  And older omegas past their fertile years tended to either stay faithful or find their place in a sexpet brothel, earning outrageous sums for sharing their bed with alphas and betas willing to do anything for the thrill and pride of fucking an omega at least once.  Benny’s clan was not a wealthy one and was unlikely to be able to support any such omegas.

Castiel offered a quiet hum in response and Benny continued.  “And I’ve only been with women.  Just…just so you know.”

That was surprising.  Benny had seemed so confident, almost cocky throughout the negotiations.  But this was the first crack in his veneer Castiel had seen.  He sounded almost insecure.

“Well,” Castiel offered, trying to meet his alpha partway at least, “That’s still more experience than me.”

Benny rumbled a short chuckle and the room felt a bit lighter.  The oven beeped and Benny started to rise, but Castiel stood quickly and moved to put the lasagna in the oven. 


	2. After Dinner

Something had thawed slightly between them after that, and they maneuvered around each other in the kitchen reasonably well as they prepped and served themselves dinner.  Castiel was pleased that Benny didn’t just expect Castiel to step into the role of caretaker and serve him.  The alpha took the lead in the kitchen, suggesting how Castiel might help, but without commanding it.  Over dinner, Castiel tried to make conversation—draw his alpha out a little and start to get to know him.  And while Benny wasn’t rude exactly, most of his responses were minimal and seemed designed not to really reveal anything about him.  By the time dinner was over, Castiel was vaguely frustrated and had given up his efforts, just speaking to Benny as necessary to coordinate cleanup of the dishes and food.

When that was done, they both stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen.  Castiel’s emotions were beginning to fray.  He was terrified at the idea that this man he barely knew would want to knot and claim him right now, and somehow almost more terrified at the idea of putting it off and having to wait and worry about it any longer.  He stared at the tile, noticing a little crack across the corner of one square and how the grout was darker where the crack originated.

Benny cleared his throat.  “We should probably go to bed.”

Castiel nodded at the floor.  There was silence for a minute and then Benny stepped around him and headed down the hall.  Castiel felt his stomach begin to roil, but after a few seconds he followed Benny’s lead.

When he got there, he saw Benny sitting at the foot of the bed, waiting for him.  He stopped in the doorway, his nerves jangling.  Benny looked him in the eyes for a moment and Castiel met the alpha’s pale blue eyes.  He tried to sense what the alpha was thinking or feeling, but Benny was a closed book to him.  Benny’s eyes then traveled slowly down Castiel’s body and Castiel was reminded of that first moment when Benny’s family representatives had come to inspect him during their negotiations.  Benny’s uncle, Azazel, had been the worst—he’d had a steely stare that gave Castiel shivers as it roamed over his body.  The man had ordered Castiel be stripped and then insisted on stepping within inches of Castiel to “examine the goods” and had even gotten down on his knees and required Castiel to turn around, spread his cheeks and lift his cock so he could see every detail intimately.  Castiel had been able to feel the man’s breath on his hole and had shivered involuntarily as a wave of something close to fear and revulsion had spread over him.  After that meeting Castiel had insisted that if he agreed to the union the couple would reside with Castiel’s clan.  He didn’t want to be anywhere near Azazel.

Benny’s stare was less obviously lecherous, but it was clearly assessing Castiel in some way, and with Benny’s passive expression, Castiel had no idea if he was passing or failing Benny’s test.  Benny’s eyes dropped slowly down, over Castiel’s groan, down to his toes and then back up.

“We can…wait until tomorrow to…consummate.  But it would probably be a good idea to sleep together so our bodies begin to sync and…our chances increase.”

Castiel felt a cold feeling wash over him at Benny’s words, but he nodded.  Yes, of course, they should sleep together, in the nude preferably, for their bodies to begin exchanging hormones.  Fertility rates increased dramatically with couples that were nude and intimate with each other on a consistent basis.  And Castiel was nervous, of course, about being nude with a partner for the first time in his life, and…what it would lead to.  But it was the flat businesslike tone that left him feeling alone and comfortless despite being in this supposed partnership.  Castiel was used to being desired and admired both among his own clan and by outsiders for both his omega nature and his own beauty.  But Benny didn’t seem to find him attractive.  He didn’t want Castiel.  He sounded like he would do his best to fulfill his duties, not like he was looking forward to unwrapping a precious package as Castiel had always fantasized he would feel when he mated.

“I’ll use the bathroom first,” Benny said, then stood and strode directly there, shutting the door behind him. 

Castiel soon heard water running and sat on the bed in a sudden thump as his knees buckled beneath him.  He should have felt relieved.  He had nothing to worry about, Benny was taking their physical connection seriously, whether he felt a personal attraction or not.  And he was clearly not a violent or even unkind man or he would have raped Castiel the moment they reached the villa or at least not bothered to talk to Castiel and make some minimal effort to get along and try to explain himself.  He was trying.  He wasn’t happy to be here, but he was trying.  Castiel’s fantasy of being a treasured, adored and petted mate were just that—fantasies.  He still had a fertile alpha who would give him pups and appeared to actually respect him somewhat.  Surely they could build on that.  Once they got to know each other and were more comfortable, Castiel would feel better.  And in the meantime, he could handle some awkwardness and the work of making an extra effort.  He spent a moment longer stoking his determination and then got up.  He undressed, folding all of his clothes carefully and stacking them on one end of the dresser.  Then he turned and looked at the bed.  Benny’s wallet and a small pile of change were sitting on the left nightstand, so Castiel slid into the right side of the bed.  It was luxuriously soft and the blankets were like clouds.  It was a strange contrast to how stiff Castiel felt as he lay between them. 

When Benny emerged from the bathroom, he was nude, carrying his own stack of clothes.  Castiel stared at the first alpha cock—the first cock other than his own and his brothers’—he had ever seen.  It was so big.  Of course he’d known that.  But in person the experience was entirely different.  He had two alpha brothers, but he’d never paid much attention and he’d certainly never been imagining their cocks having to fit inside of him.  Benny was flaccid and already nearly one and a half times as big as Castiel was completely hard.  It was terrifying.  As Benny strode to the dresser to deposit his clothes on the opposite end from Castiel’s, Castiel fled to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and leaning over the sink.  His breath was coming in gasps and he suddenly felt bile in his throat.  Turning, he slammed the toilet lid up and dropped to his knees, hanging his head over the water.  He hovered there for a bit, but nothing happened.  Eventually he drifted back onto his ass, leaning against the opposite wall.  For a moment he felt the hysterical urge to laugh.  What was he doing?  A grown man on the floor of the bathroom, retching in fear from seeing another man’s penis?  If Gabriel had seen him he would never be able to live this down.  Yes, it might hurt, but a little painful sex was hardly the end of the world if it gave he and Benny and both their colonies one or maybe even several beautiful, healthy pups to raise.  Gave them a future. 

He dragged himself to his feet, splashed some water on his face and brushed his teeth.  When he was done he still felt a little silly, but much more collected.  He opened the door wide and strode with what he hoped looked like confidence back to the bed.  Benny’s eyes were indeed on him, still giving away nothing.  Castiel slid into bed next to him and Benny scooted closer, raising his arm over Castiel’s head, clearly inviting him to move in close.  So he did, squirming around a bit until he found a reasonably comfortable spot for his head on Benny’s shoulder.  It felt more than a little odd, pressing naked up against someone he’d only known now for a few hours, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to sleep that way—in a strange position, in a strange bed, with a strange man giving off heat and scents that were all unfamiliar and new.  But change required a transition period and this certainly wasn’t like being tortured or abused.  When he stopped moving, he felt Benny’s arm drop down to wrap around his back, Benny’s fingers coming around to rest on his waist.

They lay there quietly, and Castiel tried to match the rhythm of Benny’s breathing with his own, but it wouldn’t work.  He was too nervous and he couldn’t slow his own breathing down to match the alpha’s.  He thought about what he could say to help them both—if he offered some kind of intimate information, maybe a personal confession or something, would that bring them closer?  Perhaps he should just start asking Benny about his past or his hobbies in a more getting-to-know-a-new-neighbor sort of way.  Benny showed no signs of the anxiety that Castiel was struggling with.  His breathing evened out and slowed, his chest rising and falling under Castiel’s head in a steady, reliable pattern that Castiel eventually started to realize was rather soothing.  

He inhaled deeply, taking in the alpha’s musky scent.  It wasn’t bad.  Castiel wasn’t overwhelmed by passionate desire as the romantic poets and his own fantasies had imagined.  But it was…nice.  Benny smelled of something earthy and solid—like long buried metals or gems, with soil still clinging to them.  It gave Castiel a feeling of roughened edges just calling to be burnished—like if he could just touch Benny in the right way he would shine as bright as the sun.  He snuggled in a little tighter to Benny’s warmth, letting his body lean on the alpha for the first time and partially draping himself over Benny’s side.  He resolved yet again to approach Benny and his marriage with a positive and generous attitude and just take each day as it came, and eventually his mind settled and he fell asleep.


	3. The First Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is still nervous and they both awkwardly make an effort.

When Castiel woke, he was alone and was instantly grateful for that.  Apparently, his body was indeed starting to respond to Benny’s, if the slick between his legs was anything to go by.  Castiel hated that wet, slimy feeling, warm at first and then turning cold—it had always disgusted him and he couldn’t understand why anyone, alpha or omega, would find it arousing.  He understood it had its purpose and he was glad for the sign he was healthy and hopeful it would help him conceive.  But there was nothing sexy about it and he rushed to the bathroom and straight into the shower to wash it away as quickly as possible.  Was he going to wake up in this condition every morning after sleeping in a bed with Benny?  God, he hoped not.  Maybe it would just be at the beginning—while it was all so new to his body.  Hopefully he would adjust and Benny’s mere presence would have no effect after a few cycles.  Or at least after he conceived. 

When he made his way into the kitchen, Benny was at the table, some papers spread out before him.  He looked up as Castiel entered. 

“There’s coffee,” Benny offered, nodding at the coffee machine.

“I don’t drink coffee.”

“Oh.  Well, there’s probably tea or something.”

Castiel nodded.  They looked at each other for another moment, then Benny bent his head back to his work.  There was a kettle on the stove, so Castiel filled it with water and put it on to boil, then rooted through the cabinets, feeling pleased when he found a canister with a nice selection of teas.

“I just had cereal for breakfast, but it looks like we have the makings for pancakes, eggs, and most anything else you might want,” Benny said, without looking up.

“Um…cereal is fine for me, too.”  Castiel wasn’t even hungry.  His stomach was a mess of jittery butterflies and as hard as he was trying not to, all he could think about was the fact that this almost stranger—this alpha—was going to fucking and knotting him later that day.  Why couldn’t he be like other omegas he’d heard about—thinking about sex all the time, longing to be stuffed with some alpha’s giant knot?

He turned around, putting his back to Benny and tried to breathe slowly and deeply.  Sex was nothing to fear—even if it was bad, he could certainly handle the discomfort for the possibility of new pups for their clans.  At worst, it was like going to the dentist—something to be borne like a grownup.  There was no call for worrying himself to death over it. 

By the time the kettle whistled on the stove, Castiel was feeling calmer and a little silly.  He poured his tea and took it and the makings for his cereal over to the table.  He poured his bowl and dug in as he watched Benny making tiny little scratched notes here and there on the schematics in front of him.  They looked like plans for…maybe a bridge?  He watched Benny’s eyes travel across the paper, his fingers occasionally drifting along a line on the paper with them.  Then he would reach up and pull the pencil from behind his ear, jot something down alongside the line, and stuff the pencil back.

“What are you working on?”

Benny looked up at Castiel and blinked for a moment.  “Plans for a dam on the Keokuk River.  My clan has struggled for decades and the water reservoir and electricity the dam will generate should help make us strong again.”  He looked at Castiel.  “Well, that and some pups.  Most of my clan is also older and before this…marriage…the future for us was looking pretty bleak.”

Castiel nodded.  It was obviously Benny felt the weight of his clan’s needs.  He looked like a man carrying a burden, but determined not to set it down without making it over the top of the hill.

“Our clan has been lucky,” Castiel said.  “But we haven’t had a new pup here in nine years now.”

Benny nodded.  They sat in silence for a bit and Castiel tried to think of something to say.  They knew all this about each other’s clans—and so much more.  He tried to think of some question to ask Benny.  He’d already learned everything about his family and his clan.  He couldn’t think of any intelligent questions to ask about his work.  He would just sound like an idiot asking how a dam is built or what kind of comments Benny was making on the plans.

“Have you ever been in love?” he suddenly blurted out.  He was so stunned by it himself that his hand flew to clasp over his own mouth after the words came out.  Benny stared at him.  His expression hadn’t changed, but there was a bitter scent in the room now.  “I’m sorry,” Castiel murmured, his hand dropping down to his lap.  “That’s none of my business.”

Something in Benny’s jaw seemed to soften a bit.  “Castiel, you’re my husband now.  You should be able to ask me anything you want to know.  And yes, I was.  Once.”

Castiel felt a wash of gratitude flow over him at Benny’s words, followed quickly by sorrow at the obvious loss in his tone as he answered the question.  He waited, just letting his continued gaze ask the follow up questions.

“Her name was Andrea.  She was killed by a vagrant passing through the colony.”

“I’m sorry.”  He hoped his voice conveyed the truth behind those words.

Benny nodded and said, “It was a long time ago.”

They sat in silence again, and Castiel tried to think of how to pass the time—what they could do to get to know each other without feeling like he was just interrogating Benny.  They could take a turn around the colony, but he really didn’t want the whole clan’s eyes on them—wondering if they’d had sex and maybe even asking!  The scrutiny of his entire clan, especially Naomi, sounded unbearable to him right now.  He looked up and saw Benny’s eyes on him.

“I…I was thinking I could show you around the colony if you’d like….”

Benny surprised him by chuckling lightly.  He wasn’t sure why his words were amusing.  “But you don’t want to,” Benny said.

“What? No!” Castiel spluttered.  “I mean, I would be happy to.  I just…I…”

Benny chuckled again.  It was a warm sound and even though Castiel felt it was aimed at him, he liked it anyway.  “It’s okay, Castiel.  I don’t really want your whole clan staring at me right now, either.”

Castiel felt some of the tension in his shoulders drop.  He felt his lips turn up in a small smile.

Benny set his pencil on the table and pushed his chair back.  Castiel watched him stand and come around the table.  He took Castiel’s hand and tugged him to his feet.  When he stood, he was just centimeters from Benny, those pale blue eyes looking into his.  He could smell Benny’s scent and feel the heat emanating from his body.  He felt Benny’s hand squeeze his.  “What do you say we quit putting this off?”

His stomach lurched, but at the same time he felt relieved.  Yes.  They needed to stop this waiting and worrying.  At least Castiel needed to stop worrying.  He nodded, afraid if he said anything out loud it would give away how terrified he was.  Benny’s mouth lifted up at one side and then he turned, and led Castiel back to the bedroom.


	4. The First Sex

Castiel tried to ignore the lump in his throat as Benny stepped in front of him and reached out to work the buttons of his shirt open.  His nerves felt like frayed live wires.  When the buttons were unfastened, Benny slid his hands under the shirt, pushing it up and over Castiel’s shoulders until it dropped to the floor.  Benny’s hands stilled over Castiel’s shoulders then and his pale blue eyes met Castiel’s.  He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Castiel’s.  It was soft, gentle, and…rather nice.  Just as Castiel could feel his nerves about to turn the corner toward relaxation, Benny deepened the kiss, pressed in harder and opened his mouth, sliding his tongue out and between Castiel’s lips.  Benny’s mouth was hot, a little bit sour, and his tongue was...it was large and insistent, pushing in and thrusting rather strangely against Castiel’s tongue and teeth.  Castiel had never kissed anyone like this—he didn’t know how to respond.  Benny’s tongue seemed too big and too foreign.  It was too much and he wanted to pull back, but he didn’t want to reject his alpha, didn’t want to seem like he didn’t appreciate what Benny was trying to do.  He tried to sink into it, to let his body just feel it, but didn’t know how.  He just—he didn’t like it, and he didn’t know how to pretend.

Castiel’s body was a different story.  Regardless of Castiel’s mixed emotions and jumbled thoughts, his body was responding to the alpha’s attention.  The alpha’s scent and power started working their way into him, and excitement and sexual need rose and began to spread throughout his body like a fever, adding more tension to Castiel’s already fraught senses.  When Benny pulled back and lifted his own shirt over his head and followed it quickly with the rest of his clothes, Castiel stood there watching, wondering if Benny could see him shaking from his desire to run away and hide warring with the heat and need now coursing through his body.  His cock was hard and pressing against his pants, and he could already feel the unmistakable sensation of slick gathering inside him.  He clenched his thighs together and prayed it wouldn’t rush out and make him any more uncomfortable—any more embarrassed and ashamed—than he already was.

When Benny rose from tugging his pants off, Castiel stared at the girth of the alpha’s cock, jutting proudly from the nest of hair below Benny’s waist.  He tried to look up, to meet his mate’s eyes, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.  He was breathing hard, his pulse racing, heat spreading through his body.  It felt like he was perched on a narrow wall and something was going to decide which way he fell—one way and it would be into something exhilarating, filled with newness and excitement and discovery and maybe an amazing, perfect intimacy—the other way and he would be tipping into a terrifying abyss of pain and fear, plunging into the deep, intense loneliness he’d always feared was his destiny.  Benny’s cock twitched under his gaze and Castiel could smell the alpha’s arousal, like something wild and foreign.  He was trying to decide if he liked it, trying to gather his courage, trying to breathe.

“You’ll need to take off your pants.”

Castiel jerked his head up to meet Benny’s eyes.   _ Right.  Of course.  He…yes.  He could do that. _  He brought his fingers to the button and somehow managed to open it and tug the zipper down, then push his pants and underwear to his ankles and step roughly out of them.  The air hit the slick on his thighs, leaving him feeling cold and clammy, and he pressed his legs together again, ashamed and wondering if he should try to excuse himself and go clean up again first.  But that was silly, wasn’t it?  Obviously, Benny was going to have to see and smell and… _ shit, touch _ …his slick if they were going to have sex. 

Benny stepped forward, into Castiel’s space, stopping right in front of him, so close that the tip of that monstrous cock was dragging against Castiel’s stomach.  Castiel looked up into Benny’s pale blue eyes and he was on that precipice again.  He wanted Benny to do something, but not just anything, he wanted it to be the right thing—the thing that would help make sure he fell the right way—fell over on the side of excitement and connection.  He wanted to be able to jump himself and not wait for Benny’s actions to choose the direction for him, but he didn’t know how.  He couldn’t figure out how to make more than just his body pull him toward this man.  How to force that spark?  How could Castiel know when he’d never felt it before?

Benny reached up and pressed his palm to Castiel’s chest and stepped forward, pushing Castiel before him.  He stepped backward until he bumped into the bed and dropped down on it.  As Benny’s arm dropped and he moved to crawl on his knees onto the bed over him, Castiel wriggled backwards until his head met the pillow.  The alpha moved like a panther over him and Castiel felt the alpha’s heat filling the air around them.  A warm sensation bloomed out from his spine and worked down to his groin, and he felt more slick sliding from his hole onto the comforter as his own cock stirred in interest. 

“You smell good, Omega.”  Benny’s eyes seemed darker now and the slight smile twisting his mouth at one corner looked lecherous.  He bent down and pressed his face to Castiel’s neck, inhaling deeply.

It was the first statement that was close to a compliment that Benny had ever made.  He tried to feel flattered. 

He felt Benny’s mouth open and suck at the junction of his shoulder and neck. 

Castiel cringed and felt the first stirrings of panic.  He didn’t want to do this—he didn’t know this man—he didn’t love him.

Benny licked a long stripe up Castiel’s neck and lowered his body down to rub and press against Castiel’s.  Benny was so hot, his chest hair rubbed against Castiel’s chest, and his cock felt to Castiel like an arm trapped between their stomachs.  His eyes fell on the bathroom door and he suddenly thought he could fake illness—just put this off until the next day or maybe for a few days—

_ NO!  Stop! _  His own internal voice was yelling at him.   _ This is what you want—you want your clan to grow and survive—you want pups!  This is your chance at a life away from Naomi—at any life at all.  And to give new life to the clan and watch your children grow and thrive and help the colony to grow and thrive— _

He inhaled deeply, and it was all Benny—an earthy, strong smell tinged with something fiery now, almost like a campfire.  He let out a shaky breath and realized that Benny was rutting slowly against him now as he mouthed at Castiel’s neck.  The alpha’s breaths were fast and heavy, and Castiel focused on letting the alpha’s arousal guide him.  He tentatively lifted his arms and let them fall on the alpha’s sides.  He could do this.  He  _ would _ do this.

*          *          *

Later, when he was sure Benny was asleep, Castiel extracted himself from beneath Benny’s flung-out arm and slipped into the bathroom.  He leaned against the wall and finally let go—feeling his shoulders shake with silent sobs and tears running freely over his cheeks.  He slid down the wall and pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them and holding himself as he rocked back and forth.  Tears dripped from his face down onto his knees and forearms. 

He'd done it.   _ They _ ’d done it.  But Castiel had no idea how he was going to do it again.  It had been...awful.  The pain had been beyond anything Castiel had ever felt and it went on and on and on.  When Benny had first pressed in he had been slow, but persistent and Castiel had wanted to scream and shove and push him away but he had been strong—he had forced himself to lay still.  But he couldn’t relax and he knew that had made it worse.  And then Benny was in and started to pull out and there had been the briefest flash of relief until Benny stopped and shoved in again.  It was so wrong—it was fast and rough and while Castiel’s eyes had filled with tears of fear and pain, his cock had actually swelled and twitched with interest.  He felt sick and confused as Benny tugged out and shoved in over and over, each time a longer, fuller stroke than the last.

All Castiel had been able to think about was how soon it would be over.  He’d shaken so bad that his knees had given way and he’d ended up pressed flat on his stomach on the bed as Benny used his hands to pull Castiel’s cheeks apart and continued shoving in.  The alpha had been panting and grunting, but he said nothing.  He just grunted and shoved and pulled back with a pant and grunted and shoved and pulled back…  Castiel had buried his face in the bedding, smothering his own grunts and squeals of pain, and chanting to himself that it would be over soon and he could take it and it was for the pups and the clan, over and over in an endless loop.

Then he had felt it, Benny’s knot growing at the base of his cock, pressing against his hole each time the alpha shoved in.  Just as he recognized it and felt his misery shoot toward panic again, Benny slammed in hard and an intense, piercing pain flared through him and up his spine.  Castiel’s head flew up as he screamed and somehow at the same time he came, his cock, jammed between his stomach and the comforter, pulsed and twitched as he shook and spasmed beneath the alpha.  Benny roared loudly and his pelvis rocked suddenly forward, pressing that knot deeply inside Castiel’s ass as the alpha pulsed and came inside him.

And they would have to do it again.  And again.  And again.  Even fertile bonded pairs almost never conceived the first time—some had to couple daily for many weeks before they were successful, and sometimes they were only successful during an omega’s heat or alpha’s rut.  It had been the way of things for the last four generations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to fandorica for beta reading this chapter!


	5. Getting Settled

Somehow, three weeks had passed.  They had finished out their first bonding week and been allowed to move into their own place—a farmhouse on the edge of the village, selected because of Benny’s interest in farming and machine work and Castiel’s interest in being as far away from his family as possible.  The little bit of positive headway that had been made in their first 36 hours or so together had been lost.  More than lost.  They were farther apart than if they’d never met.

After their first sex, Castiel had been a little bit broken.  He knew it.  Something about that moment—about the sex being difficult and painful and…cold…left him bereft and lost.  He had been so sure that he was going into this with his eyes open, that he hadn’t harbored any unrealistic expectations.  He wasn’t a foolish romantic.  He couldn’t afford to be.  He was the only fertile omega of childbearing age in his clan.  He had known since the moment he presented that he wouldn’t be marrying for love or romance—that he wouldn’t just meet someone who made his heart sing and be able to get swept away in true love.

But apparently deep down he must still have hoped it would happen.  That the mate chosen for him would turn out to be someone he would connect and bond with instantly.  That they would look into each other’s eyes and their hearts would sing right along with their bodies and it would come together in some perfect dance.  So he had spent hours afterward sobbing and then berating himself for being a foolish child and then sobbing some more.  And then he had forced the steel back into his spine and made himself face another day.  With Benny.  Smiling softly and attempting to be nice and try to find some common ground with the alpha.

Benny, on the other hand, seemed utterly unchanged by the experience.  He was polite, like a good roommate—sharing the chores around the house, helping with meals, speaking as necessary and responding briefly to inquiries—but he didn’t offer more.  That evening he had suggested they should have sex again—that they should probably be trying every night at least once—and Castiel had nodded, trying desperately not to show his fear.  His body still responded to the alpha, but he felt ill from a combination of something a little like disgust and a lot like fear.  He held himself back from panic and thought Benny could tell he wasn’t entirely into it, but had no idea what was really going on inside Castiel.

They continued like that for the rest of the week and then the same way after they got to their own house.  Castiel had given up trying to get close to Benny—stopped making efforts at conversation and getting-to-know-you chatter.  He had stopped doing more than the minimum of anything—he cleaned himself and helped with meals and dishes, but he ignored his herb garden that had been moved from Naomi’s house for him, and he refused to visit anyone.  His job was to be fucked by Benny, and he put all his energy into being able to do that once a day and had nothing else left after that.  He couldn’t think of any reason why he should force anything else.  He had one job and he would do it.  He had never had any other use that the colony valued anyway.  And Benny clearly had no interest in him outside of his own duty to his clan.

So while Benny worked on someone’s tractor out in the barn-workshop, Castiel sat on the couch, a book open on his lap.  He’d been there for two hours without moving and his legs felt stiff and sore.  He stared down at the pages and the letters shifted and swelled as he gazed at them.  He heard the storm door open and Gabriel’s sing-song “Hey ho, anybody home?”  Then Gabriel’s footsteps were coming toward him and then his legs were in front of Castiel and then all of Gabriel as he took a seat on the coffee table in front of him.

“Hey, Cassie.”

Castiel looked up.  “Hello.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Castiel.  “What’s going on, Cassie?  Is he…did that alpha hurt you?”

Castiel closed his eyes a moment, then opened them again and met Gabe’s look.  “Not the way you mean.”

That had the wrong effect.  Instead of relieved, Gabriel only looked more alarmed.  “But in some way.”  It had the tone of a statement, but the question was clear.

“Nevermind.  No.  He hasn’t…beaten me or done anything I didn’t consent to.  It’s fine.  Just…go home and tell Naomi everything is fine and we’re doing our duty.  It isn’t our fault it’s taking a while.”

“Cassie, I’m not here to spy for Naomi.  I was just…worried about you.  I haven’t seen you since your wedding.  You haven’t come over for chess even once and I…I miss you.”  He was still staring at Castiel with that penetrating gaze.

When Castiel said nothing, Gabriel tried again.  “What’s wrong then, Castiel?  Are you getting sick?  Do you want me to send the medic down to see you?”

Castiel sighed.  He should have known this was coming.  “No,” he said firmly.  “I’m not sick.  I’m fine.  I just want to be left alone.  I’m just…getting used to things, okay?”

Gabe looked at him pointedly for a minute more then nodded in acquiescence.  “Um, okay.  Do you…need anything?  Does Benny need anything?”

“No, there’s nothing….   I’m fine.  As to Benny…you’ll have to ask him.”

“Okay, I will.  I’ll be back next week to check on you, Cassie.” 

When Castiel said nothing, Gabriel sighed and left, heading out to the barn.  When he got there, he found Benny bent over Hank Boyer’s tractor.  “Well, it looks like you’re certainly making yourself useful to the clan.”

Benny’s head came up and he walked slowly around the machine, wiping his hands off on a rag.  He extended his hand to Gabriel to shake.  “Gabriel, right?  Castiel’s brother?”

“Yep, that’s me.  I just came over to check on you and Cassie.  See if you’re settling in okay.  If you need anything.”

Benny didn’t smile—Gabriel wondered if he ever smiled—but he nodded and said in a pleasant enough tone, “Well that’s very kind of you.  I don’t know about Castiel, but I can’t think of anything I need.”

Gabriel nodded in return.  “Well, it’s been a few weeks and you’re clearly getting settled in.”  He nodded at the tractor.  “How are you liking it here?”

Benny shrugged.  “It’s not that different from home.”

“Mmm.  And…how are you liking my little brother?”

Benny frowned.  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I mean Castiel.  Your omega.  Your mate.”

“I know  _ who _ you mean.”  There was a definite tone of anger in Benny’s voice now.  “I just don’t know  _ what _ you mean.”

“I just want to know if he’s making you happy.  Because it doesn’t look like you’re making him particularly happy.”

At that, Benny stepped up to Gabriel and took a careful, solid stance in front of him.  He stared down at the shorter man and his voice was cold when he spoke.  “Happiness isn’t what I’m here for.  Or what Castiel is here for.”

Gabriel stared back just as hard.  He may be smaller and a beta, but he was the one person in this fucking world who cared about Castiel, and he didn’t intend to back off because this alpha didn’t like it.  On the other hand, what Benny said was true.  Both of them were just doing their duty and had made their decision that children and a future for their clans were more important than their own happiness.  He stepped back.  Just half a step.  “You’re right.  I’m sorry.  I’m just…  I care about my brother.”

Benny nodded, but said nothing.

“Well, if you do think of anything that you need…or that Castiel needs…I hope you’ll let me know.”

Benny nodded again.  And then let out in a ton that was only slightly less intimidating, “I will.  Thank you.”

Gabriel turned awkwardly and headed back home.  He was definitely going to have to come around more often.  Both of these men were obviously miserable.  Gabriel couldn’t imagine what their mating must be like and how it would be successful if they were so unhappy.  Not that he had any idea what could be done about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SO much to fandorica for beta reading this chapter!


	6. The Passage of Time

Castiel buried his face in the pillow, muffling his own sounds, even as Benny’s soft, low rhythmic grunts sounded in the air around them.  They were nowhere near as loud as the slapping of Benny’s hips against Castiel’s ass. Castiel hated that sound. And he hated the feeling of Benny’s fingers digging into his hips.  But most of all he hated his own body for still responding to the alpha. 

Every night Benny fucked and knotted him, like he was cattle to be bred.  Castiel supposed that was exactly what he was. And Benny did his duty with exactly as much emotion as the livestock did theirs.  Yet every night Castiel’s body responded like a bitch in heat. With their days having settled into a steady rhythm, and sex occurring at essentially the same time every night, Castiel’s body had started producing slick like clockwork, even when Benny wasn’t yet in the room.  Nine-thirty would arrive, and Castiel would feel that telltale gathering of wetness inside himself, and the first slide of liquid slipping down his canal, paving the way for Benny. He thought he’d hated his slick before, but it was so much worse now. Since he and Benny had mated, it had developed more of an odor and seemed thicker and more copious.

If Castiel wasn’t already in bed, he would rush to his room and strip off his clothes, trying to save some of his things from being covered in that smell, that disgusting slime.  How anyone could find it appealing he would never understand. Then he would wait. There was nothing else to do, really. It was going to happen. He was determined to do his duty—to salvage something from this so-called marriage.

Eventually, Benny would arrive, the same flat lack of expression on his face as always.  He would nod at Castiel and sometimes say Castiel’s name in acknowledgment. Then he would undress, disappear into the bathroom to clean up a bit, and finally return.  His appearance would send Castiel’s hormones into overdrive, and by the time Benny got into bed, it would already be wet with slick. He knew he was overreacting, exaggerating, but it felt to Castiel like the stuff flooded from his ass like blood from an open wound.  Benny never commented on it, didn’t react in any way to anything about Castiel’s body. He was always already hard, and Castiel was never sure if his body was reacting to Castiel’s in the same way his did to Benny, or if Benny took himself in hand in the bathroom and worked himself to hardness with thoughts of his old love or some other beautiful woman in his mind.

Either way, Benny’s monstrous alpha cock would be hard and ready, sticking out in front of him like a weapon of destruction.  Benny would crawl onto the bed next to Castiel, no change visible in his expression, though Castiel always imagined he saw in the alpha the same grim determination that he felt.  Castiel never moved until Benny reached for him, touching his hip to guide him onto his hands and knees. Then he would brace himself as Benny spread his ass cheeks and pressed in.  They never said anything. There was nothing to say. Neither of them wanted this, even if their bodies somehow did. Yet both of them wanted the hoped-for result. Pups. An alliance between their clans.  A better future for both clans.

*          *          *

“Gabe-y, where are you?”

Gabriel looked down at the woman nestled between his legs, her wide brown eyes looking up at him making a fucking amazingly hot picture.  He stared as she dropped her mouth back down to suckle again at his cock. He brought a hand up to rest softly on her head, stroking her hair.  “I’m sorry, Alaina. I was just thinking about something.”

“But this is supposed to be the place where you don’t think about anything.  Anything except how good we’re making you feel,” she said softly, staring up at him seductively as she slid her mouth down over his length, her tongue circling him even as she began to suck in earnest.

Gabriel moaned and slid his hand around to the back of her head.  “I know, sweetheart. You’re right.” And there was no point in continuing to worry about Castiel and Benny.  There was nothing he could do to help. They were both doing what they felt was right. And hating every goddamn second of it.  It just didn’t seem right that two people whose bodies were so suited for each other and who shared similar goals should be so unable to connect emotionally.  Gabriel had really grown to respect and even like Benny over recent weeks as he’d been spending more time with him, trying to find some way to help his brother.

The alpha presented a rather gruff, even cold, exterior.  But Gabriel had become sure that it was simply a shell for a man of extremely strong feeling.  The man seemed dedicated and loyal to his clan, and now to Castiel’s clan, almost to a fault. He had left his home and come all this way to marry someone who clearly wanted nothing to do with him, and he continued to be unfailingly polite and considerate to Castiel and his family.  Even Naomi. Which, god knew, wasn’t easy. He had stayed in touch with his clan and continued to work and advise them on their dam construction project, even as he took on new responsibilities in Castiel’s clan—repairing unending amounts of farm equipment, helping with an ongoing road project, and even responding in the middle of the night to assist a neighbor with a leaking roof.

Benny was a hard nut to crack, but he had started to show occasional signs of cracks in his veneer.  When he was tired from working hard, he sometimes let just the smallest bit of a smile show at Gabriel’s constant crappy jokes.  And if asked about his family when he was in just the right mood, he might actually speak for a full minute. Or even two. Especially about his little sister.

“I know something that will interest you…” Alaina said, her voice loaded with teasing, as Gabriel focused on her again, ashamed that he had completely been ignoring the lovely effort she had been making on his cock.  This had been a waste of money. He knew he shouldn’t have come when he was so distracted.

“What’s that, sweet thing?”

“We have a new pet that just arrived yesterday.”

“Really?”  Gabriel  _ did _ love something new.

“If you want to meet him, I can see if he’s free.  Maybe he can come play with us. If you want.” Alaina was squirming between his legs now, as if she was excited to play, as well.

He nodded and she bounced up and out of the room.  She was back in less than a minute, tugging a tall man after her by the hand.  She pulled him into the room and over to the bed, releasing his hand then and bouncing over the bed, to nestle up against Gabriel’s other side.

“Dean, this is Gabriel.  He’s the mayor’s son. And one of our biggest customers.  Not to mention the most fun one,” Alaina introduced.

“Is that so?”

Gabriel stared.  The young man’s voice was low, lower than he’d expected, filled with a flirtatious hint that Gabriel found more than a little enticing.  Not to mention that he was absolutely beautiful. He was wearing a pair of soft, loose pants, so Gabriel couldn’t see everything that he would like to see, but every other inch of him was near perfection.  He was tall and broad, packed with muscle and covered with just the right amount of soft hair. He had a strong jaw with surprising cheekbones, fucking gorgeous green eyes and absolutely sinful, full, soft-looking lips.

“I suppose it depends what you consider fun, Dean,” Gabriel said, licking his lips.

Dean watched him, a smirk slipping onto his lips, and then let his own eyes drift down over Gabriel’s naked body.  “I have a wide range of interests, sir,” he said, his tone thick with innuendo, even as he pulled his arms back and grasped his hands behind his back, setting his feet wide and lowering his head just slightly.

_ Fuck.  How did he know? _

Gabriel swung his legs over and stood in front of Dean.  He let his hand slide over the other man’s chest, feeling his skin.  He started to walk around Dean and felt his cock throb and jerk when Dean, without direction, smoothly dropped to his knees, settling his ass on his heels and spreading his knees wide.  Gabriel circled Dean, noticing his position, the straightness of his back and the beautiful line of his exposed, bowed neck. He sat on the edge of the bed, directly in front Dean and said, “Look at me, please, Dean.”

Dean raised his head.  He didn’t look shy or meek.  He met Gabriel’s gaze with intensity.  Yet his submissive pose was perfection.

“Why did you go to your knees just now?”

“Because I thought you would like it, sir.”  Dean’s voice was still low and heavy with the implication of sex and desire.  And somehow, despite the honorific, there was nothing submissive about him. He was bigger and stronger than Gabriel, and everything he did made clear that he was offering himself to Gabriel to dominate and use, but that it was entirely his choice to do so.  He was absolutely fucking amazing.

“How did you know that?  Have the other pets been telling you about me?”

Dean chuckled.  “No, sir. I hadn’t heard a thing about you until Alaina came to get me just now.  Though I’m definitely glad she did.”

Gabriel’s cock throbbed with pleasure at Dean’s innuendo, urging him to take what the young man was offering.  Alaina came up behind Gabriel, pressing her soft, warm breasts against his back and sliding her lips over his neck.  “That’s Dean’s thing. He just knows what everyone wants. Some of the other pets say it’s magic.” She ran her tongue over Gabriel’s earlobe, and he shuddered with desire.

“Is that so?” Gabriel said to her, reaching a hand around to cup her head, holding it to his ear, urging her to suckle, letting the sparks of desire slide down his spine.  He looked at Dean. “Is it magic, Dean?”

Dean surprised Gabriel by letting out a loud, warm laugh.  “No, sir.”

“Hmm…” Gabriel looked closely at Dean.  “But you didn’t say the skill isn’t real.  Do you know what everyone wants?”

Dean shrugged.  “So far, sir.”

“And what does our little Alaina here want?”

“She wants to be desired, sir.”

“Of course,” Gabriel said.  “And what would make her feel desired?”

“She wants your mouth on her, sir.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows.  Alaina never asked him to eat her out.  He did sometimes, as he enjoyed it. And she did taste delightful.  But he didn’t think it was one of her preferences. “Well, Al,” he said, keeping his hand softly on her head, “how did Dean do?”

Alaina pulled free and bowed her head.  She seemed embarrassed, but she nodded her head gently, looking down at the mattress.

“Well, little one,” Gabriel said, “that sounds like the most fun I could imagine.  Lay down and spread your legs for me.” 

As Alaina moved to settle behind him, Gabriel looked back at Dean again.  “What do I want you to do while I’m feasting on our gorgeous girl?”

Dean shrugged.  “Kneel here, sir.  Watch your skill and envy her.  Grow needy and desperate and not touch myself at all.”

Gabriel moaned aloud this time.  He almost couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t even formulated a plan for Dean yet.  But the one Dean voiced made him nearly desperate with need. “And will you do that?”

“Fuck yes, sir.”  Dean’s tongue snaked out over his lips and his eyes flared with what looked like hunger.

Gabriel turned and slid in between Alaina’s legs, wrapping his arms under her legs and making sure Dean would have a good view as his tongue snaked out to begin teasing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the wonderful Fandorica for beta-reading this chapter!


	7. Emptiness

Castiel shut the door behind his mother and Doctor Moseley.  He dropped his forehead to the door and held there for a minute, trying to pull himself together.  He felt humiliated at his mother’s having dragged the doctor over and then insisting on being present for his examination.  He wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or angry that Benny hadn’t been home. If Benny were his mate—a true mate in the emotional sense of the word—he would have intervened to ensure that Castiel was not treated so invasively by his mother.  Or anyone. But he and Benny didn’t have that kind of relationship, did they? Benny likely would have felt that he would have been interfering with something that was none of his business if he’d stepped in at such a moment.

But so much worse than having his mother present while he was poked and prodded by Doctor Moseley, was his own failure to conceive.  A thick smog of shame and guilt had swelled within him over the last weeks, just adding to his isolation and loneliness. Doctor Moseley had tried to reassure him—reminding him that some fertile couples couldn’t conceive until one of them was in heat or rut.  Benny’s rut was expected in another week or two, and his own heat shouldn’t be far behind, so there was no reason to give up hope. She seemed very pleased to hear they were still knotting every day, and upon examining Castiel, confirmed that it appeared his body was adapting to his alpha very well.

Of course, neither she nor Naomi seemed to care whether Castiel himself was adapting.  His mother didn’t even notice his obvious misery. Gabriel had noticed, and had tried on more than one occasion to get Castiel to open up about what was bothering him.  He had also been making obvious efforts to get close to Benny, which some part of Castiel appreciated. He wasn’t really interested in any of what was going on around him.  He had given up his beekeeping, gardening and painting hobbies as his energy waned. Now all he could seem to manage to do was to drag himself from bed, force down a little breakfast, and curl up on the couch all day.  He kept a book open on his lap, but he hadn’t actually read anything in it for days. 

Benny would come and go from the house sometimes, always keeping up a productive schedule.  He worked in the yard and assisted others in the village with any number of tasks. But Benny never brought anyone in the house.  They hadn’t discussed it, but Castiel assumed Benny simply recognized that Castiel preferred to avoid people. So instead, Castiel would just hear Benny outside talking to someone in the yard or out in the shed.  Or Benny would come in and call out that he was heading over to someone’s house and when he would be back. Castiel never said anything. And he wondered why Benny continued to bother to keep him apprised of his comings and goings.  But he always did.

Eventually, usually when it started to get dark outside, Benny would come home, and they would eat dinner together.  Sometimes Castiel was able to force himself off the couch and prepare something for them. Other times they would do something together—always something simple in that case, like soup and sandwiches or a salad.  If Castiel couldn’t even get off the couch for anything more than just sitting at the table, Benny would step into the kitchen and heat up something pre-made for them by someone in the community. As the hope of the clan’s future, they still received offerings of food from clan members on a regular basis.  Benny wasn’t much of a cook—it seemed to be the only skill he didn’t have—but he could warm up food and never complained about having to do so. He never complained about anything. Some little part of Castiel wanted the alpha to get angry with him—to rail at him for sitting around and moping even though the alpha was going through the exact same thing he was, and you didn’t see him sulking about.  At least if Benny yelled at him, Castiel would know that he noticed. But Benny just went about his own day, getting done the work that he seemingly assigned to himself, eating, cleaning up, fucking Castiel, sleeping, and starting all over again the next day.

After dinner was the one hour of the day Castiel so far still managed to force himself into productivity.  Whether out of the remaining sense of duty he still had to Benny or his clan or himself, or maybe out of fear of what would happen if he allowed this last piece of regularity and routine to disappear, he somehow always dragged himself up and back into the kitchen to clean up the remains of their dinner, then made his way upstairs to clean himself up.  For Benny’s knot. Sometimes when he was in the bathroom getting ready, he would be overwhelmed by sadness and huddle up on the toilet or the floor and let his tears flow, always being careful to keep quiet. Sometimes, when his slick started to flow before he had even finished showering, or when he would think about the pain of Benny’s knot and how it felt to be bent over on his hands and knees as the alpha shoved into him mercilessly, he would lose his stomach, retching his dinner out into the toilet.  But most days he was less present, able to just move mechanically through his routine and ignore what he was doing it all for, what was about to happen, what was missing in his life.

Life.  That’s what was missing.  Most obviously the life of a new baby—a new life that would provide hope for him.  And for Benny. And their clans. Hope of perhaps another new life after that. And maybe even another.  And another. But it wasn’t just that life that was missing. It was  _ any _ life.  Benny moved about, was unfailingly hardworking and considerate to everyone.  But his eyes seemed dead and he was hard as stone. Castiel had never seen the slightest chink in his armor—the smallest spark of something that signaled strong emotion.  But Benny was a veritable petri dish spewing forth life compared to Castiel. He felt things. It’s just that they were all of the things that seemed to diminish and shrink life.  Every moment was a passing of disintegrating sensations and emotions. Loneliness. Discomfort. Sorrow. Shame. Weariness. Pain. And through it all, the thing he was clinging to.  He had lost hope, but he still had its grim cousin, determination.

Until Doctor Moseley’s visit, he thought that would be enough.  But then she’d offered him hope. Reminded him of Benny’s upcoming rut.  And instead of hope, Castiel had felt a twinge of fear. A twinge that had already swelled into a thick vein running all the way down his spine.  He was ashamed of his fear. Ashamed of already having been such a gigantic coward. About a little pain. A little discomfort. A cold, impersonal marriage.  How was any of that the end of the world if it could bring the clan children? But there was no fix—there had always been a tiny spark of fear that Castiel had been burying deep inside, smothering underneath his isolation and worry.  But now Castiel was afraid. Afraid of being knotted multiple times in one day. Afraid of how Benny might be different in his rut—less controlled, rougher, harder, colder. Or perhaps it would be worse if he was less cold—if he was fire and passion and need and hunger and all Castiel still felt was fear and discomfort and pain and humiliation.

He didn’t want this.  He didn’t want any of this.  He never had. 

But he desperately  _ wanted _ to want it.  He longed to want Benny.  He didn’t want Benny. Or his knot.  But he still dreamt sometimes about a knot that he did want—about feeling someone slide inside of him and feeling, instead of discomfort, desire and pleasure lancing through his body and lighting his nerves up like wildfire. 

Then he woke up.  And he was back in the real world.  Where his body wanted Benny. And with that want came the disgusting flow of his slick and bending over on his hands and knees like a dog to be bred and used.  And then being forgotten for another 24 hours.

*          *          *

“Do you think Castiel could use some company?” Gabriel asked Benny’s legs, which were sticking out from under Old Man Murphy’s harvester.

He heard an audible sigh and a hard clank of tools, then Benny slid out and rose, coming over to the work table Gabriel was leaning against, picking up a rag and wiping his hands.  He looked at Gabriel with his usual indiscernible expression. “You know I don’t know, Brother.”

Gabriel had considered it a gigantic win last week when Benny had started referring to him as ‘Brother.’  To Gabriel’s knowledge, he was the only person in the village who had earned a nickname, other than Rosie, the one child in the village under 12, who Benny called ‘Little One.’  Gabriel had made a point to come around at least twice a week to visit both Castiel and Benny and try to get to know his brother’s husband. Unfortunately, the moniker was all he had managed to get out of Benny in the sense of personal closeness.  Benny politely refused all attempts by Gabriel to poke into his personal feelings and history. And he less politely refused all of Gabriel’s pointed questions about his marriage or Castiel.

Gabriel nodded.  “Well, surely you can at least tell me what  _ you _ would like.  Maybe a little extra company around the house would be nice?  Take the pressure off you guys? Someone that could keep Castiel company and maybe help you relax once in a while, too.  You work too hard.”

Benny’s expression didn’t change.  It hardly ever changed. “I have everything I need.  I’m not…I’d rather be busy.” He looked down, tugging the cloth roughly over a finger.  When he looked back up, it seemed there was something softer about his face, even though Gabriel couldn’t have said what it was.  “But if Castiel would like to have someone around…I wouldn’t interfere.”

“Well, I’ll talk to Castiel.  I’m just...worried about him, Benny.”

“I know,” Benny sighed.  Gabriel didn’t blame him.  They’d had this conversation more than once.

“You don’t know him, Benny.  This isn’t him. He’s different now.  I…miss him.”

Benny held his gaze and Gabriel sighed.  Benny wasn’t going to say anything. He never said anything about Castiel.  He would never talk about him with any third party. And that just made Gabriel like Benny more.  Benny and Castiel may not have fallen in love, but Benny instinctively protected the one thing he knew Castiel cared about—his privacy—and he did so with a vengeance.  Naomi had told him that Benny refused to allow her entrance to the house just a few days earlier, when she’d been trying to check on whether Castiel was knocked up yet.  It’s too bad he’d been out of the house that morning when she came by again with the doctor conveniently in tow.

“I know,” Benny said.  “You’ve said. Maybe you should talk to him about that.  But...”

Gabriel’s heart sank.  Benny was supposed to be the easy one to convince.  “But?”

“Just…if Castiel thinks company would help, then you might want to arrange it soon.”

“What do…?”

“He might like them to be here before…I mean…we’re expecting my rut in a week or so.”

_ Oh.  _

“Yeah.  Okay. Thanks, Benny.  I’ll see you later, man,” Gabriel said, reaching out his hand.  Benny shook it, and Gabriel headed to the house.

Castiel was sitting on the couch with a book in his lap, as usual.  It was evident he hadn’t showered or brushed his teeth or even glanced at the book all day.

“Hey, Castiel,” Gabriel said brightly, dropping into the easy chair opposite Castiel.

Castiel looked up.  His eyes were dull and took a moment to focus on Gabriel.  “Hello, Gabriel.”

“Just saw Benny.  Looks like he’s making headway on Murphy’s old, piece-of-shit harvester.”

Castiel nodded his head slightly.

Gabriel managed not to sigh in exasperation.  “So, Cassie, I was wondering…do you think maybe you could do with a little company around here for a while?”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed slightly and Gabriel saw his shoulders stiffen.  “What company?”

“Well…”   _ Fuck it.  _  He was doing it.  Castiel wasn’t going to admit he wanted someone around.  He probably would hate the idea. But Gabriel didn’t know how it could make anything worse at this point.  “Okay, look, here it is. I was hoping you could help me out with something. There’s this guy I know, and he really needs a safe place to stay for a while.  And I know you like your space and don’t really like having people around, but that’s why your place is so perfect. I can’t have him at the dormitory with me, and I’m not going to ask mom, for fuck’s sake.  And I mean, you don’t have to hang out with him if you don’t want to, but I actually kind of thought Benny might like him and…I mean, the guy could use a friend. He works all the time.”

“Gabriel—”

“No, Cassie, come on.  Just hear me out. Dean really needs this.  You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“Who is he?”

“He’s a sexpet.”

“Gabe!”

“It’s not like that.  He used to work at the brothel in Warrensburg.  But he had to get away from there—there was some situation with a dangerous, obsessed client.  And he came over to Smithville and they just don’t have room for him there. You know they don’t have very many clients who can afford to pay as it is, or space, plus the guy would probably find him anyway.”

“I’m sure there’s someone else—”

“There’s not.  There’s not anyone else I trust.  He’s vulnerable, Cassie. He’s been used and he just needs a safe space to get back on his feet.”

“Fuck, Gabe.  What is he?”

“Beta.”

“Is he aggressive?”

_ Not unless that’s what you want. _  “No.  Of course not.  Castiel!”

“Fine.  But…well…you might want to warn him that Benny’s rut is in a week or two.  Make sure he’s okay being in the house with that going on.”

_ I’ll definitely be making that clear. _  “I will.  Thanks, Cassie.”


	8. A Cool Breeze

Castiel opened the door to find the most breathtakingly handsome man he’d ever seen standing on the porch.  He was strength and muscle, somehow chiseled and soft-looking at the same time. He was simply dressed, in fatigues and a tantalizingly thin, clinging t-shirt.

“Castiel?” the man inquired, his head bowed just the slightest bit as if in deference.  His voice was low for someone as young as he looked.

“Yes.  And you’re Dean?  I thought Gabriel would be with you.”  He extended a hand for Dean to shake.

Dean chuckled as he wrapped his own hand around Castiel’s, giving it a quick, firm shake.  “He thought so, too. But it turns out your mother had other plans for him, apparently.”

Castiel nodded.  “Yes. Naomi has plans for all of us.  Well, would you like to come in?” He stepped back to make room, and Dean nodded and stepped into the hallway.  “Is that all you have?” Castiel asked, nodding at the duffel bag over Dean’s shoulder.

Castiel thought Dean winced slightly, but all he said was, “Yeah.  I travel light these days.”

“Well, I’ll show you your room.”  He turned and led Dean upstairs and down the hallway.  “We only have the two bedrooms, so you’re right next to our room.”  He opened the door to the extra bedroom and stepped in as he spoke. “That door leads to our room,” he gestured, “and that door is to the bathroom.  It adjoins our room also—we’ll all be sharing up here. I hope you’re comfortable with that. Both Benny and I are pretty neat, but the bathroom downstairs has a bathtub with a showerhead that you’re also welcome to use if you find you need it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me.  This is great…it’s bigger than the room I was just in, and I was sharing that with two other pets.”  Dean dropped his bag on the bed and stepped over to look out the window. Castiel stood awkwardly near the door, wondering what else he was expected to do.  Dean seemed nice enough, and the appeal he would have as a sexpet for most people was obvious. But Castiel wasn’t most people. He just wanted to get Dean settled so he could go back to being alone.  To trying to get through the day. And the evening. Get through being fucked and knotted. So he could fall asleep for a few hours and then do it all over again.

“So,” Dean said.  He had turned around at some point and was looking at Castiel.  His face was soft and open and showed no judgment or concern about Castiel’s having drifted off into his own thoughts.  “I hope there are some things I can do around the house to help you guys out. You know, to thank you for…” he gestured vaguely to the room around them, “…this.”

Castiel frowned and shook his head.  The thought of Dean bustling around the house and disrupting the peaceful little world he had managed to preserve around him during the days made him nervous and uncomfortable.  “I don’t…I don’t need anything. Benny and I don’t really make much of a mess. You are welcome to use the kitchen, and we would appreciate it if you would clean up after yourself, of course.  And in here. And do your own laundry.” Dean’s face as he spoke had shifted into something rather like a child being reprimanded and Castiel was suddenly horrified by the idea that he probably sounded like Naomi—cold and unwelcoming, and unappreciative of a simple gracious offer of assistance from an appreciative guest.  “Benny may have something, though. I can take you out to meet him now, if you want.”

Dean agreed and followed him back downstairs and out to the shed.  Castiel rarely came out here, and he hadn’t even realized that Benny had planted some bushes along the path and inset a few lights.  The sun was already starting to set, and the lights cast a pleasant glow on the stones that led from the back of the house to the shed.  As the path ended, instead of going in the side door it led to, Castiel took Dean around the corner of the building to where the giant double doors were standing open.  Where sometimes the space was filled with some piece of farm machinery or other, today it was only partially filled by a series of sawhorses holding up long boards that Benny was bent over.

“Benny,” Castiel said, waiting for the alpha to look back over his shoulder and then stand and turn when he realized someone was with Castiel.  “This is Dean,” he said, watching as Benny reached for a rag to wipe his hands and stepped forward, extending a hand to Dean. 

“Good to meet you,” Benny said.  His face as impassive as ever. Castiel wondered if his husband had noticed how beautiful Dean was.  If he did, he probably didn’t care. Benny was straight, and Dean might be pretty, but was definitely far from womanly.

“Same, man,” Dean said, shaking Benny’s hand rather vigorously before releasing it.  “This is really great of you guys.”

Benny shrugged.  “We have room. And we believe in helping where we can.”

Castiel stared at the interchange.  He didn’t think he had ever heard Benny refer to the two of them as ‘we.’ 

“Well, it’s just really great.  And I was kind of hoping there was something I could do while I’m here to sort of help repay—man, did you tie these yourself?”  Dean had wandered over to one of the workbenches along the sidewall of the shed as he’d spoken and was holding something small in his hand.  “Do you actually use these? Is there somewhere around here to go? I mean, these are like fucking art, man!” He was grinning widely at Benny and turned to Castiel.  “Did you know he could tie flies like these?”

Castiel looked down at Dean’s hand and saw the fish hook he was holding, with a curious bundle of hair and some other materials knotted around it in a light spray design.  He shook his head. He didn’t even know that Benny fished at all.

“It’s just something I mess around with when I have a little down time,” Benny said.  He seemed a little surprised by the attention—uncertain, but not really put off.

“Well, man, I would love to fish with you sometime.  I mean, not with these!” Dean said, turning to carefully set the fly he’d been holding down.  “I just mean, I haven’t been fishing since I was a kid and let me tell you, you don’t meet a lot of pets that are into that kind of thing.  But anyway, what I was really wanting to say before, sorry, I just got distracted when I saw your flies, man. Um, I was just going to say that if there’s anything I can help you out with while I’m here—it would be nice to have something to do.”

Benny shrugged, and said, “Well, what can you do?”

Dean looked at the boards Benny had set up and said, “Well, I’m okay with a hammer and saw.  I can definitely do something basic. But I’m better with machines. I can fix pretty much anything that has an engine.”

“Okay, well, if Castiel doesn’t need you at the house…”  Benny looked deferentially over to Castiel who shook his head slowly.  “…then you can help me right now. There’s a sander and some paper over there on the bench, and you can start on the boards at the back while I finish shaping the ones up here.”

“Awesome!” Dean said, already moving around to head to the bench Benny had directed him to.  He turned to Castiel as he went. Benny looked up at Castiel and nodded slightly, then turned back to his own work, and both men were bent over boards working away within seconds.

Castiel stood awkwardly for a minute watching them, then turned and made his way back to the house.

Something about Dean being there, even if he was outside with Benny and nothing inside the house had changed, left Castiel feeling vaguely unsettled all afternoon.  He sat on the couch as usual, but didn’t even bother to pick up his book. He stared toward the back of the house, wondering if Dean and Benny were getting along. He wondered, if they were, what they were talking about.  He wondered if Benny might laugh. Or share something personal. At one point he found himself considering making some lemonade or iced tea to take it out to them. When it occurred to him that he had no idea if Benny liked either beverage, he felt ashamed.  Ashamed of how little he knew his own husband. And ashamed of his desire to spy on the men. Why? Was it because Dean was so attractive? Because he was a sexpet? Was Castiel jealous? He didn’t even want Benny, did he? Or was he jealous of Benny rather than Dean?  Did he want Dean’s attention on himself? That thought was equally ridiculous, regardless of what Dean looked like. All Castiel wanted in the world was to be left alone and to survive each day until maybe, hopefully, he would conceive and have a child.

Finally, when dinner time drew near, he wandered into the kitchen and poked into the pantry and refrigerator.  In the back of the pantry he found some baking mixes that the clan had prepared and given them, packaged in charming mason jars with pretty fabric lids and attached instructions.  When he saw chocolate brownies, he found himself with a sudden craving for food he hadn’t felt in months. So before long, he had dug out a baking pan and mixing bowl and was working away.  By the time Benny and Dean wrapped up their work and came in, the smell of baking brownies was in the air and Castiel had started a simple dinner of sausage and cabbage. When he pulled out the head of cabbage, he had thought it didn’t look as good as the ones he’d managed to get from his garden the year before.  And he wondered briefly if it was too late to still plant some vegetables for the year. 

“Wow,” Dean said, as the two men walked in the back door, “something in here sure smells good.”

Castiel looked up and watched them wipe their boots off.  When Benny tugged his off and picked them up, Dean followed suit.

As he waited for Dean, Benny looked at Castiel, his brows just a bit low.  “Are you baking?”

Castiel nodded.  Benny was certain to assume that his baking today of all days must mean it was intended for Dean in some way.  “Brownies. I found the mix in the pantry and they just sounded good.”

Benny nodded back to him and started toward the stairs, Dean following behind.  “Well, Dean’s right. They smell good.”

Half an hour later, they were sitting down to dinner, and the passing of food, salt, and water pitcher around the table, with just one more person there, created a bustling vibe of activity and warmth.  It was  _ familial _ .  It was a tiny reminder of what Castiel had thought someday he would have—a small group of individuals living together as a unit, sharing their meals and their lives together.  Dean commented appreciatively on each dish as he scooped himself portions so sizeable Castiel was sure he could never finish them. When he stuffed a piece of bread in his mouth and moaned around it, Castiel looked over at Benny, who, to his shock, rolled his eyes discretely, almost making Castiel spurt out his mouthful of water in surprised amusement. 

“This is nothing special, Dean,” Castiel managed, after swallowing and clearing his throat roughly.  “I’m not much of a cook, but the clan is generous with what they provide for us.”

“Well, it seems pretty special to me,” Dean said, talking around a new mouthful of bread.  “We definitely don’t eat this good at the brothel, let me tell you.”

Castiel had no idea what to say to that, so he tried to focus on his food.  But a minute later, Dean had engaged Benny in conversation about the woodworking project they’d been working on. (Castiel found out it was a wardrobe Benny was building for Mr. Hargrove to give to his wife for their 25 th wedding anniversary in a couple weeks.)  That moved on to whether there were any vehicle or machine repairs Benny thought Dean could help with any time soon. (Castiel found out that Joe McCrady was bringing his tractor over the day after tomorrow, and Sarah Lassiter had both a sump pump and generator at her place that weren’t working.)  That transitioned some way that Castiel barely followed to Dean complimenting Benny again on his homemade flies and a friendly interrogation about fishing spots in the area and when they might be able to go together. (Castiel learned that Benny liked to fish on Saturday mornings at a spot in Miller Creek about half a mile upriver from their farm.)

He ate slowly, watching the two eat and talk.  At first, that sense of shame at how little he knew about his husband threatened to wash over him.  Dean was getting more out of Benny in one day than Castiel had learned in more than two months. He watched Benny, ready to be hurt by how open Benny was with Dean, how warm and easy.  But even though Benny answered Dean’s questions readily enough, his face maintained the same placid expression he always had with Castiel. He was perhaps a little less reticent than Castiel usually thought of him as being when talking about the wardrobe project and about fishing.  But about the machine repair work, he was entirely matter-of-fact, despite Dean’s clear enthusiasm for the topic. Faced with the evidence, though, that Benny perhaps really enjoyed something, Castiel longed to hear him talk more about fishing. He wondered if he liked fishing a bit but perhaps there was a hobby that was even more suited to him.  One that would make him light up when he spoke about it—maybe close his eyes and smile softly. Or become animated and gesture with his hands. Or lean forward to share a particularly treasured memory of it. 

He only realized they had finished eating and he was just sitting there staring at Benny’s face when Benny cleared his throat and Dean said softly, “So, do we have to wait until later to get a taste of those brownies?”

Castiel jumped back from his chair, nearly knocking it to the floor.  “No! Of course not. Um…I’m sorry. I whipped some cream, too.” He was at the fridge then, and pulled out the whipped cream, removing the lid and bringing it to the table along with a spoon.  He moved back and forth quietly, picking up their dirty plates and replacing them with clean saucers, then bringing the brownies over. He handed the plate to Benny, who took one and passed it on to Dean.

“These look amazing, Castiel,” Dean said as he handed the plate over.

“Yes.  This is a nice surprise,” Benny said.

Castiel looked up at him, wondering if there was reproach there, but his voice had sounded completely ordinary, and his face gave away nothing, as usual.

“Oh man!” Dean said, when he had swallowed his first bite.  “Do you ever make pie?”

“Um…no, I…really don’t know much about baking.  If these hadn’t been pre-mixed for us and sent with instructions, I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Oh, well, I don’t know if you guys like pie, but if we ever get the apples, I make an incredible apple pie, if I do say so myself.  It’s better than sex.” Castiel cringed and kept his eyes on his plate, forking into the brownie to take another bite. He refused to even notice Benny’s profile in his peripheral vision.  Dean had no way of knowing that they both thought almost anything was better than sex. And he certainly wouldn’t shame his husband, his alpha, in front of this man or anyone else. And the one thing he did know and trust about Benny was that he would never shame Castiel by disparaging him, as a lover or otherwise.  Dean had gone on anyway, apparently without noticing anything.

“I guess I’m not supposed to say anything like that.”  He laughed lightly even as he took another rather large bit of brownie, a dot of whipped cream getting caught on his lip.  “A sexpet should probably never say that anything is better than sex. Or at least sex with me, right? But man, a really great piece of pie?  With the perfect flaky crust and really fresh fruit? It just sings—there’s nothing better in the world. I don’t know. Maybe love. I haven’t been there yet, so I guess I can withhold judgment on that.  But I’m pretty sure there’s nothing else that could be better.” His tongue snaked out and the whipped cream dot was gone, replaced by a wide smile.

Once again, Castiel had no idea what to say.  They ate in silence for a few minutes, Dean fake-sneaking, in the most open and blatant way, a second brownie from the plate and then making a show of using his finger to lick the whipped cream bowl clean.  Benny started to clear the table while this show was still going on, and Castiel got up to help. They moved easily around each other until Dean shooed them away, telling them the least he could do was do the dishes and they may as well have a drink on the porch since it was such a nice night.

Somehow, they let him bustle them outside and ended up in wicker chairs with small tumblers of whiskey in their hands.  Castiel had no idea where Dean had found the booze, as he didn’t think they’d had any in the house. Not that he was opposed, but it was hard to come by and he had never been motivated enough to obtain any.  It did taste good, though, burning roughly as it went down his throat, but not in a bad way. 

They sat quietly for a while, then Castiel said, “I’m sorry if Dean is…too much.”

Benny shrugged and didn’t say anything for a minute.  Then said, “I don’t mind.”

“Is he…did he help you today?” Castiel asked.  Even though he wanted to ask something else. He wanted to ask if Benny was upset that Castiel had never noticed his homemade flies, had never asked him about his hobbies, had never offered to help him in his work.

Benny hummed softly, apparently in agreement, but didn’t say anything else.

Until he did.

“Did you know Dean is a sexpet?”

Castiel looked at him, slightly startled by the change in topic.  He could feel his hackles rising in the familiar way they did when he talked to his mother.  Benny hadn’t struck him as intolerant or bigoted. “Yes. Gabriel told me. I assumed he had told you as well.”

“No.  He didn’t say anything.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”  Castiel forced his tone to be even, but he wasn’t sure how well it worked.

“No.  Not at all.  But…well, I’m an alpha.”  He looked at Castiel more directly now, and his face was softer.  He looked a bit tired. “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.  Dean is a beta. That alone could be enough to make an omega reluctant to share their home with him.  The fact that he’s a sexpet, maybe it shouldn’t make any difference, but it must predispose him to relate to people sexually first, and....”  He paused and Castiel could feel the frown on his face as his emotions slid from irritated to strangely touched by Benny’s concern for him. “I just want to make sure you know that if you are uncomfortable in any way, at any time, even if you’re not right now, but you are some point later, all you have to do is let me know, and I’ll take care of it.” 

A warm feeling spread in Castiel’s chest and he nodded softly.  “I’m fine. I can’t imagine Dean would have any inclinations toward me anyway.”

Benny’s head sort of twitched and his brow scrunched up.  Castiel took a swallow of his whiskey. For a rather large bear-ish sort of a man, Benny was kind of adorable when he looked confused.  “Of  _ course _ he would.  You’re an omega.  And you’re…” Benny gestured vaguely with the hand that was holding his whiskey glass.  Then he seemed to notice the amber liquid swirling within it and he brought it up to his lips to take a mouthful.  Castiel watched his cheek move as he sloshed the booze around in his mouth for a few moments and then swallowed.

“I’m what?”

“You’re….”  Benny’s face shifted from confused to something like frustration.  “Castiel.” It had the tone of exasperation. Like a sibling with whom you’ve been having  the same argument for years. But they weren’t siblings. And they’d never had any arguments ever.  Much less one he should recognize simply by the code word of his own name with a specific tone of voice.

“What?”

“Castiel, you have to know that you’re objectively…that you’re remarkably handsome.”

“I…”   _ What? _  “You think I’m handsome?”

“Of course.”

“Oh.”  They sat for a few minutes, and the night seemed suddenly quiet.  Then Castiel thought of something he wanted to say. But he wasn’t sure if he should—he wasn’t sure if Benny wanted to hear it.  But he had definitely wanted to hear it. “I think you’re handsome, too,” he said.

Benny didn’t respond right away, and Castiel hadn’t looked at him.  Didn’t think he could look at him right then. A minute passed. The cicadas sang their summer song. 

“Thank you.”

They sat quietly then and the silence didn’t seem oppressive or empty.  It just seemed peaceful. Dean came out a little later and sat with them, but he didn’t say anything, either, and nothing changed.  It was nice, and Castiel felt a little disappointed when it was time to go to bed, but it wasn’t the usual fear and distaste. And as he showered and brushed his teeth, he wasn’t looking forward to being knotted, but he remembered what it was all for.  And it seemed a little easier that night.


	9. A Hint of Desire

The next morning, when Castiel made his way downstairs, he found Dean in the kitchen.  Or, he found Dean’s bottom half sticking out of a lower kitchen cabinet. Pots and pans were strewn about the floor next to him, and he was humming softly under his breath as he scrubbed away at something Castiel couldn’t see.  Castiel paused and stared as Dean’s ass rocked back and forth, either to the rhythm of the song he was humming or the vibration of his scrubbing. Dean’s worn cotton fatigues stretched tight over rounded buttocks, and Castiel suddenly wished he could reach out and run his palm over them and feel the soft curve of that shape in his hands.

Castiel froze.   _What had he been thinking of?_  He’d never had the desire to…  Never. With anyone. It must be because Dean was a sexpet.  His mind probably couldn’t help but go… _there_.  Castiel had never met a sexpet in person before, as their village was much too small to support a brothel. 

He didn’t realize he was backing away until he bumped rather unceremoniously into the kitchen table.  Dean startled and jerked roughly, his head hitting the cabinet ceiling with a loud thump. Dean cursed under his breath and pulled himself free.  When he turned around, Castiel could feel the warmth in his face and knew he was blushing furiously, but Dean seemed not to notice.

“Hey, Cas,” he said, rubbing at his head for a moment and then putting a hand on the counter to pull himself to his feet.

_ Cas?  _  “I…I’m sorry I…startled you,” Castiel managed, trying to force his voice to sound normal.  Dean didn’t know Castiel had been staring at his ass. Had been thinking about  _ touching _ him.  And he  _ was _ sexpet, after all.  He probably was used to people looking at his body and wanting to…    _ What?  What had he even wanted to do? _

Dean shrugged, and bent down to pick up a turkey roaster from the floor and set it on the counter.  “Don’t worry about it. I guess I’m just a little jumpy.” He didn’t meet Castiel’s eyes, just bent down to pick up the rest of the items he had pulled out of the cabinet and stack them neatly on the counter. 

Castiel’s thoughts continued to spin.   _ Cas?  Had Dean just given him a nickname? _  The only nickname he’d ever had in his entire life was when his brother Gabriel insisted on calling him “Cassie.”  Castiel couldn’t even remember how long ago he had given up on fighting Gabriel over that one. He bristled a bit at Dean’s casual reduction of his name, but at the same time he couldn’t ignore that a slight warmth—a sense of affection and maybe belonging—had run through him when “Cas” had slipped through Dean’s lips so comfortably. 

Dean was still rearranging the pots and pans he’d picked up into different stacks and arrangements, his back to Castiel.  Castiel wondered briefly if Dean had said something else to him while he’d been so childishly distracted by Dean calling him “Cas.”  He didn’t think so. Nothing since he’d mentioned being jumpy. Castiel stared at Dean’s back. He did look tense—somehow tighter and a little drawn in from the loose confident vibe he had exhibited the day before.  He would have thought someone who did what Dean did for a living wouldn’t exhibit any nerves just from being in an unusual house living with strangers. Surely his entirely life was living and doing far more intimate things with strangers.  Though Dean  _ was _ here because he needed a safe place to stay for a while.   _ What had Gabriel said?  Something about a “dangerous, obsessed client”? _

“Did he hurt you?”

_ Oh shit. _  He had just blurted that out.  Dean’s life was none of his business.   _ Why did he even care? _  He hadn’t felt the slightest curiosity when Gabriel had first mentioned someone needing a place to stay.  But now that he’d met Dean... There was something about the man that was making him… 

 

Castiel forced himself out of his reverie.  Dean had frozen in place when Castiel spoke and all Castiel could see was his stiff back and that still perfectly round and beautiful ass…   _ Stop it! _ he chided himself angrily.   _ What was wrong with him today?!  _

“I’m sorry, Dean.  It’s none of my business.” 

Dean’s shoulders relaxed a bit.  Then he was turning around to face Castiel, who knew that his face must be burning with shame.  He’d objectified the man and fantasized about touching him completely inappropriately. In the house where Dean was supposed to feel safe.  And he’d rudely attempted to invade his privacy with his unsolicited question about—

“You could say that.”  Castiel realized Dean was holding his gaze, but instead of angry, he looked determined.  Then Dean’s hands took hold of the bottom of his shirt and in one swift movement, pulled it roughly over his head.  Dean’s skin was tan and smooth, and slight ridges ran over his stomach, defining his abdominal muscles. A trail of hair ran from the waistband of his pants up to…  Castiel felt his own hands clutch onto the countertop in front of him. A gigantic angry red brand sat over the middle of Dean’s chest. It was a triangle inside of a circle, with another shape inside of that which Castiel didn’t recognize.  He stared at the raised welt in horror and moved forward, trying to decipher what the symbol could possibly mean. It didn’t look like a clan sign or any religious symbol he had seen before. The brand was at least six inches in diameter, maybe more, and stood out from Dean’s skin in a sickening, angry way.  It seemed to be shouting at Castiel for attention.

Castiel didn’t even decide to cross the room.  But somehow he had. Which he only realized when he watched his fingers rise up and ever so gently skim the surface of the brand.  The tortured skin was cool and soft to the touch. He slid his index finger over the line of the inner symbol, tracing it slowly.

“He said it stands for him.  That my body belongs to him now.”  Dean’s voice was quiet and flat.

Castiel pressed his palm flat over the symbol.   _ I may as well be branded, too. _  The knot in his chest that had been growing there since his wedding day ached with sudden strength.  His body hadn’t been his own since that day. Maybe even earlier. It belonged to Benny. Or to their clans.  But it definitely wasn’t his own.  _ He _ should have been the one to be branded this way.  Not Dean. Except… He raised his eyes and met Dean’s gaze.  The younger man’s brow was pinched as if in concern or confusion.  “You’re trapped, too,” Castiel breathed. He must be.  _ Who would choose to be a sexpet if circumstances hadn’t forced him? _  Perhaps Dean was orphaned or abandoned by his clan and left with nothing to rely on except his beauty, wits and personality.  Something must have led him into that life—something beyond his control and—

Dean’s hand slid over his, pressing it in between Dean’s palm and the strange combination of soft, tender skin and raised and roughened edges of branded skin.  Dean’s fingers curled around Castiel’s palm. They stood there for a minute, breathing each other’s air. Castiel couldn’t stop staring at Dean’s eyes. The green was flecked with golden streaks here and there.  It reminded him of the gray bits in Benny’s eyes. But Dean’s gaze was so much softer—so much easier to hold. He didn’t seem to be sizing Castiel up. Instead of judgment, it felt like a search for something to connect them.  And for the first time in his life Castiel wanted that, too. Not just to get along. Not just to make his clan happy or be what he was supposed to be. Something in him wanted to relate to this other person—to  _ be known  _ by him. 

“Cas.”  Dean’s voice growled low and quiet, and Castiel was suddenly aware of the other man’s heat surrounding him.  He had pressed up so close against Dean that Dean’s back was tight against the refrigerator and Castiel could feel Dean’s legs surrounding his.   _ Oh God. _

He lurched back unsteadily, pulling his hand from Dean’s grip.  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what….” He backed away, rubbing his hands on his pants.

“Cas, it’s okay.  Don’t—”

“I, uh, I better go up and check on—”   _ What?  Check on what? _  There was literally nothing Castiel ever had to get done around the house on a given day. 

Dean had reached down and picked up his shirt and was playing with it in his hands.  “I wish you wouldn’t.”

_ Wish I wouldn’t what?  I never even said what I was going to do.  I can’t even think of anything to do. _  “What?”

“Go.”  Dean’s cheeks were a little pink now and he was practically wringing his shirt out in his hands.  “It’s just….”

“What?  It’s just what?” 

“Your alph—Benny said that he had to work at Miss Lassiter’s today so he couldn’t use my help and…I’m just so used to so many people being around all the time.  I was going crazy before you came down.” His eyes had drifted to the floor as he spoke, and Castiel could see he was embarrassed. Though he didn’t know if it was about wanting company or whatever had just happened between them.

He considered retreating anyway.  All he wanted was to be left alone.   _ Wasn’t it? _

“Well, maybe we should get a proper breakfast going then,” he offered tentatively.

And he couldn’t have predicted what that little phrase would do.  Dean’s entire body seemed to relax and he grinned like the sun. “Yeah.  I can’t cook much, but breakfast is my specialty! How about pancakes? I’m pretty sure I saw some blueberries in the freezer and…”  He had already turned his back to Castiel and was rustling around in the refrigerator, talking about the sausage he saw thawing out in there the day before. 

“Um…that sounds great,” Castiel said.  “I, uh, forgot to brush my teeth, but I’ll be right back to help set up.”

Dean nodded at him as he pulled back from the fridge, hands full of berries and milk and eggs and sausage, kicking the door closed in a smooth motion as he stepped away from it to the counter. 

Up in his room seconds later, Castiel collapsed onto the edge of the bed.  He stared across the room at his reflection in the mirror.  _ What was wrong with him?  Why had he crowded into Dean’s personal space like that? _  It was bad enough when he had basically ogled Dean’s ass and thought about touching him, but then…then he  _ had _ touched him.  Without any sort of invitation or permission.  Dean had chosen to reveal a personal pain he was suffering and Castiel for some reason had…  Shame and confusion filled him.

_ Was this what lust felt like?  Did he desire Dean? Sexually? _  But he wasn’t producing any slick, and he hadn’t even imagined any specific sexual acts.  It was just the simple touch he had thought of—what the shape of Dean’s round ass cheek would feel like in his hand.  And the brand, Castiel had even less of idea what he had been thinking then. He had just touched. He had just felt a need…to understand Dean and what Dean was sharing with him.  And somehow touching had seemed essential, as if it would bring him some kind of insight. He didn’t want Dean. He no more wanted Dean to fuck him than he did Benny. Less, actually, he thought.  He may not love Benny romantically, but at least they did share a commitment to the same goal, and the months spent together had taught him to respect, and even admire, his husband. And he certainly had no intention of betraying Benny, even if he were to feel desire for someone else.

No, obviously it was just how he had isolated himself so much lately.  Some part of him longed for connection and felt a kind of kinship with Dean.  He seemed trapped in his circumstances much the way Castiel was. Castiel just had to control the inappropriate nature of his desire to connect with Dean.  He could still provide the man with a safe home while he needed it. At the least. And perhaps they could even become friends. It would be really nice to have someone in his life who wasn’t part of his clan—who wasn’t depending on him in his role as omega and hopefully the bringer of future life to the clan.

Feeling better, he made his way to the bathroom to wash his face and then headed back downstairs to help Dean with breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks go, as ever, to the multi-faceted Fandorica for beta-reading this chapter.


	10. Opening Up

Castiel had to admit that breakfast was enjoyable.  He’d always been so introverted that he forgot how nice it was to have company sometimes.  Dean’s easy charm was undeniable, and he never seemed uncomfortable just because the conversation lagged or Castiel said something in his awkward, formal language that so often put other people off.  They cleaned up together after breakfast, and then Dean headed off to his room to gather a few pieces of clothing he wanted to wash. When Castiel made his way to the utility room ten minutes later to see if Dean needed help starting the washer, he found Dean bending over the basket with their dirty sheets that sat waiting on the floor nearby.

“No!  Don’t—” he blurted out, rushing over to tug his soiled sheets from Dean’s arms.

“I’m sorry, man,” Dean said, clearly startled, his arms releasing the fabric and rising in a placating sort of gesture.  “I didn’t have a full load, so I just thought…”

“Yes, I know, but…”  Castiel clutched the sheets to himself, staring at Dean’s arms, as if he might see the residue of his own slick there.  “…you don’t have to… _ do that _ ,” he muttered, the revulsion apparent in his voice.  “It’s…it’s not your…it’s my problem to clean up.”

Dean stared at him.  “I really don’t mind helping out.  And…” He gestured to the open half-empty washer.  “…I hate to waste the water and energy. If you don’t want me to…you can still put the sheets in?”  He stepped out of the way and gestured again vaguely to suggest Castiel should go ahead.

“No!” Castiel said again, horrified.  “You can’t…they’re… _ dirty _ .”

Dean chuckled.  “I figured. That’s why we’re washing ‘em, isn’t it?”

Castiel looked down at the bundle in his arms.  Even though they were from yesterday, this close he could still smell traces of his slick, and even a bit of Benny’s come.  He wanted to shrink and run away from them, but far more he wanted to keep Dean from them. He shouldn’t have to be faced with that.

“Yes, but…you…you don’t want these in with your… _ clothes _ .  You…these are our sheets…we’ve…we…I…”  He trailed off, unable to explain out loud what was so wrong about what Dean was suggesting.

But Dean seemed to finally get it as he leaned back a bit against the dryer and slid his hands into his pockets casually.  “You realize I work in a brothel, right? I do know about dirty sheets and what goes on to make them dirty.” He was smiling a little bit at one corner of his mouth, but it didn’t seem to be teasing Castiel.  It was more like he was slightly amused and trying to put him at ease.

And yes, of course Dean knew.  But…did he? “Yes, but…I don’t know if you…I mean…you’re just a beta,” he blurted out and then clamped his mouth shut, staring at Dean with wide eyes.  Thankfully, Dean didn’t seem to take offense, just widened his eyes and if anything smiled a little bit more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just mean…my…as an omega, I…  It’s just different. It’s worse. It’s…it’s not good.” He stared down at the bundle in his arms again. Why was he trying to explain himself? No one had ever understood how he felt. He had tried to explain it to Gabriel once and gotten a belittling response along the lines of, “You’ll feel differently once you’re grown up.” 

“Cas,” Dean said, and when Castiel looked up, he realized Dean was only a foot away from him now, and the smirk had shifted to a softer ghost of a smile combined with wide-open eyes the color of summer grass.  “Why don’t you put those down and help me get this thing started, and then we can get some iced tea and take it outside?”

Castiel nodded, feeling embarrassed yet again for his behavior today in front of Dean, though this time he wasn’t really sure why.  He dropped the sheets back into the basket and stepped over to the washer, with Dean, putting in soap and turning the dials automatically.

A few minutes later, they were sitting on the back porch, looking out over Benny’s barn and the empty expanse of lawn leading out to the surrounding tree line.  Castiel loved how far they were from the next closest house. He had always been miserable living in his parents’ house at the heart of the village. This was so much better, where only those who actually sought him out could disrupt his solitude.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, you know.”

Castiel looked up at Dean.

“Sometimes we don’t like how our bodies work.  But there’s nothing wrong with what yours does.  And there’s nothing wrong with you not liking it.”

Castiel stared.  Dean’s face was…it wasn’t blank exactly.  But his eyes weren’t teasing and his expression didn’t reflect pity.  He just looked sort of thoughtful and serious, like the thought had just occurred to him and he had said it.

Castiel didn’t want to talk about this.  And at the same time he was desperate to have someone he could talk to about this.  He had always hoped that person would be his mate. That when he mated, the bond would be special and intense and emotional and with someone he could share every one of his feelings and thoughts with—both good and bad.  At least, he had hoped that until he grew up and realized real life didn’t work that way.

“I know.  I…I know my body is supposed to… _ do that _ .  But…I hate it.  It feels strange and it  _ smells _ and sometimes there’s just so much and it can be cold and it makes me feel dirty and…out of control.”

Dean didn’t say anything.  He just nodded. He  _ nodded _ .  As if what Castiel had just said was reasonable.  Even when he knew it wasn’t. When he knew anyone else in the clan would shake their head at him—some in disappointment, some in anger of frustration, some in confusion.  The whole world longed to either  _ be _ an omega or to be  _ with _ one.  Dean just…nodded.  It made Castiel feel bolder.

“I don’t understand how anyone can  _ like _ it.  It’s…so slimy.  It’s…I get cold and wet all of a sudden because my body decided this is the time for sex.  And I don’t even want…” He stopped himself. No, he couldn’t go that far. It wasn’t fair to Benny.  But it was just so good to get it all out. “How am I supposed to feel…attractive…when I’m leaking slick everywhere?”

Dean looked at him like he was seriously considering the question, even though Castiel had meant it rhetorically.  Castiel was about to explain that he didn’t expect Dean to have an answer when Dean spoke.

“Sometimes it’s impossible to feel attractive.  Sometimes, you just…know that you  _ aren’t _ .  And it doesn’t matter if everyone around you says otherwise.  It doesn’t matter what you see in the mirror. It doesn’t even matter that ordinary people are willing to pay money they can barely afford to be with you.”

Castiel stared at Dean as he spoke, finding it unfathomable that the young man sometimes felt unattractive.  He was nearly the perfect specimen of an appealing man—somehow beautiful and handsome and soft and strong-looking all at the same time.

“It seems especially…cruel, I guess?” Dean went on, “…when the exact thing that you’ve always been told is what is most appealing about you is something that turns you off.  I’ve obviously never been where you are, Cas, but I get it, man.”

Castiel stared at Dean’s face as he spoke, wondering what it was about himself that could possibly turn Dean off.  His voice was so deep and warm for such a young man—it was soothing and seemed to wrap around Castiel like silk. He had this unimaginably uniform speckling of stubble coming in over his jawline and upper lip that Castiel knew would be envied by most men.  And the rest would probably love to feel it rubbing against them, rough and—

“It can change, though,” Dean said.

Castiel looked at him blankly.  “What?”

“Your reaction.  It can change. Just because you’re turned off by something now doesn’t mean you always will be.”

Castiel made a scoffing noise in his throat.  He could not imagine ever finding that sensation of being wet—especially without any control over it—as anything but distasteful.

Dean chuckled lightly in response, but his body language was still understanding and sympathetic, and Castiel knew Dean wasn’t making fun of him.  “I know it isn’t quite the same, but there are probably foods you hated as a kid that you love now, or at least appreciate now. It’s sort of similar.  I mean, I remember the first time a guy asked me to rim him; holy shit, but it freaked me out.”

Dean paused, taking a long slow drink of his tea, his neck stretching out a bit as he tilted his head back.  Castiel was afraid to move or speak. He’d heard of that, of course, but he had never really thought about what it would be like.  Either way around. He knew it wasn’t going to happen to him because there was no way he would ask someone to… _ do that... _ when he had slick oozing out like a leaky faucet.  And he was mated now to an alpha, and alphas didn’t… He couldn’t imagine Benny wanting anyone near his hole like that.  But for some reason he was suddenly very curious to know more and hoped Dean would keep talking. Maybe because it seemed taboo in some way.  Or exactly because he would never find out for himself, and it’s not like it came up at clan barbecues, so this was probably the only chance he was ever going to have to hear about something like this.

Thankfully, Dean set his empty glass down and then looked back at Castiel, leaning toward him a bit as if sharing something just between them, and continued.  “And I hated it. Well, sort of. I mean, I was just… It feels sort of childish and naïve to say it now, but I was just grossed out by it. It might partially have been the particular guy—honestly, I barely remember, I was such a kid then.  But I couldn’t  _ believe _ the reaction it got—the guy was practically shaking after just a few minutes.  So, I mean, that made me feel so fucking cocky and sort of…powerful, I guess. I liked that part,” Dean said with a smirk.  “I still love a good stroke to the old ego, if you know what I mean. I’m definitely that guy. But pressing my face between some guy’s ass cheeks and literally licking and sucking and tongue-fucking his shithole?”

Castiel knew he was blushing furiously at Dean’s words, but Dean seemed unbothered, and he couldn’t pretend he was anything other than fascinated by this little glimpse into Dean’s background—into a life, especially a sex life, that was so different than his own.

“I just thought, ‘no, thank you,’“ Dean was continuing.  “But I did it. And it…wasn’t as horrible as I expected. And I did it a couple more times.  And I started to like how the reactions I got made me feel—like I was really doing something amazing.  And then I had it done to me. And…”

Dean nodded and raised his eyebrows at Cas while he made a vague hand gesture in the air toward him.

“…I’m sure you know how fucking intense  _ that _ is.”

Castiel stared at Dean blankly, trying not to let the aversion show on his face.  He wasn’t repulsed by Dean. At all. Dean’s openness was drawing him in and making him more comfortable with a discussion like this than he ever could have imagined.  But the idea…of someone being so close, so intimately connected with exactly what he was so insecure and horrified by…with his slick and everything associated with it that was so…dirty! 

Dean seemed to wait for a few seconds for some kind of affirmation from Castiel, and when he didn’t get it, his eyes widened and he seemed to lean back slightly.  “You don’t.”

They seemed mutually frozen for some seemingly endless moments, gazes locked together.  Castiel realized Dean was surprised—almost shocked—by realizing Castiel had never been rimmed.  Which made him feel suddenly even more insecure and a little inadequate. But it had to be Dean that was inexperienced with this—at least with omegas.  I mean, he may know what’s normal among betas and even perhaps with alphas. But Dean couldn’t have personally been with many omegas, could he? Omegas were rare among the regular population and only infertile omegas generally were found in a brothel, or so he had heard.  Maybe...probably…people just don’t really  _ do that _ to omegas.  Because surely no one would  _ want _ to.  Or, if they did…maybe infertile omegas…maybe infertility affected slick production in some way.  He had never thought about it before, but maybe that would explain why Dean—

“Well, then until you do know for yourself, you’ll just have to take my word for it.  My mind was changed in an absolute fucking instant. Now it’s…I just love it. Both ways around—whether I’m giving or receiving.  I’m not really…I don’t usually like to tell clients about my own preferences. It’s…just better that way. But since you’re not a client, I guess I’m safe telling you.  Anyway, the point is that your feelings are totally legit, Cas. How you feel is how you feel and I swear I’m not trying to talk you out of it. But I still think time changes us, and you just never know how you’ll feel in the future.”  

Dean looked down at his hands then, and Castiel watched him sliding his fingers together and apart in a repetitive motion.  Dean’s hands were almost as beautiful as the rest of him. How could even his hands seem so perfect? He didn’t know how to respond to what Dean had said.  He was still feeling vaguely confused by the idea of a man’s tongue sliding over his rim and tasting his slick and whether Dean could possibly have meant...could possibly have ever done that with an omega.  The point, though, was made, and logically he knew the argument was sound. But his feelings about… _ that _ …they were visceral and instinctive.  He didn’t see how that could be in the same class as a child not liking mustard or vegetables and then developing a taste for them with age.

They sat together for a while longer after that, and then went back in to finish the laundry together, and Castiel allowed Dean to put their things in the same load, feeling a little tense but proud of himself at the same time.  The rest of the day went by quickly as they made lunch together, then walked out to the garden and planned what late vegetables they might still be able to plant and grow and started preparing the ground. Before Castiel knew it, it was time to make dinner and Benny was home, tired but clearly feeling accomplished after successfully fixing both Miss Lassiter’s sump pump and generator.  When the three of them sat down to eat, underneath the tension and malaise he always felt, there was a warmer, soothing sort of sensation. And it seemed to solidify when he listened to Dean questioning Benny about his work that day, and the steady, low rumble of Benny responses. 


End file.
